PinUp Boy
by Melpomene melancholica
Summary: Team 7 departs for a mission involving a complicated noble woman, assassins, perverted uncles, lumber, eunuchs, etc...Oh yeah. And Sasuke's good looks! RETIRED.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto. Period. 

A note before it starts: First, I don't even have an excuse why I wrote this. Second, there will naturally be spoilers. What's in existent in the manga as of now is pretty much fair game. Third, I usually choose a higher rating than necessary. Fourth, I'm just having fun. Be warned. 

Prologue

A newborn infant is usually slapped at its bottom to induce crying. This isn't done out of spite, you know, but to let the child exercise its lungs. It also gives a one a jumpstart in breathing; after all, if you're planning to live at all, you start with getting oxygen to your cells.

I suppose you've all heard of that little joke about the midwife slapping the mother because of the infant's unbelievable ugliness. No?

Anyway, my story has something to do with that little joke. My mother (may she be at peace, wherever she is now) always did spread that anecdote–and she swore it was true, too. She claimed the doctor took one look at me, and then, squealing irrepressibly, slapped her hard in the face. That, friends, heralded the misfortunes that hounded my person because of this visage.

You must think I'm getting old, me getting reminiscent and all that. Well, I'll be thirty soon, but that's not the reason why these bittersweet memories keep surfacing. (It's not my fault, I swear.)

See that black-haired kid a little bit to the left? That's one of my fifteen-year-old charges, a Leaf genin. I might as well warn you: before he looks this way, you better take a deep breath. I don't want you to asphyxiate when you finally see his face.

It's a very dangerous face. Even it's owner might not know just how dangerous...

I suppose, Uchiha Sasuke did have some vague idea of just how striking his face is. After all, girls had been swooning at him, as far as he could remember. From experience, I'd say it's something you learn to live with–that is, until the village women decides you're of marriageable age. And that, believe me, is when masks become amazingly practical.

Now don't be surprised if his so-called flawless face is marred with a scowl. It's Sasuke's habitual expression, but if it's extra cold today, it's because he's a little paranoid these days. 

It started all started with that Class B assignment we accomplished some days ago... 


	2. Chapter 1: The Village of Lions

Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto. Period. 

A note before it starts: First, I don't even have an excuse why I wrote this. Second, there will naturally be spoilers. What's in existent in the manga as of now is pretty much fair game. Third, I usually choose a higher rating than necessary. Fourth, I'm just having fun. Be warned. 

Chapter One: The Village of Lions (and Lionesses)

Uzumaki Naruto, wide whiskered grin and orange attire flashing in the sunlight, bounded on the dirt road bound to the town of Shishio with the energy of three 170 feet waterfalls and the din of five. He was tallest in team 7 now, and, being all arms and legs, was more dizzying than ever before. 

"Sensei, sensei, sensei," he crowed. "Can we stop for lunch now? Please? Pretty please? We've been walking for five hours already–and that's after two hours of morning exercises. I'm hungry, I'm hungry!"

"Shut up, Naruto," said the only female member of our group. "Last time you complained, he took your obento, and you had to beg scraps from us, remember?"

Haruno Sakura. She didn't turn out quite so bad, pretty green eyes and infectious smile taking eyes off her infamous forehead. Her pink hair, flowing to her lower back and glinting in the sunlight, attracted the sight of even her clueless prey. She knew her hair was gorgeous, and she flaunted it, flipping back locks of it from her face with suave, unaffected movements. Honestly, I tried telling her it's a convenient way for the enemy to haul her within range of decapitation, but you know how it is with teenagers: fashion first before functionality. 

"Hn," came another comment sarcastically. "Wouldn't be surprised if you sprout extra limbs at the rate you're going, idiot."

A young man appeared between Naruto and the girl. The smug smirk on his face suited the cocky stance. Oddly red eyes trained on the blond mockingly, but the owner said nothing else. A derisive sniff was all, coupled with a careless gesture that beat even the adorable Sakura's. Droplets of water scattered, spattering on the glowering Naruto's face, and with a shaft of sunlight glinting on jet black hair, dazzling all like a star, the newcomer strutted away in satisfaction.

Breathe, people, breathe!

Yes, that's him all right, Sasuke, the sole Uchiha remaining in the Konoha. As if the clan's gene pool pooled their best on the last progeny, that young man happened to be both a genius and an adonis. He fits the cliche of tall, dark, and dead–er, handsome, pretty well. Several foreign "bingo" books at least mentions his name and his sharingan, proof of his rising importance in world of the shinobi. As for his personality... well, as his teacher, I'd have to concede it does need some tweaking.

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, SASUKE?!"

"I see. Haven't figure it out yet, as usual."

"WHAT I CAN'T FIGURE OUT IS WHY GET ME ALL WET, DAMMIT!"

"Tell him, Sakura. All this time with morons dehydrate me."

"WHY YOU–!"

"Naruto..." interrupted Sakura. "SHUT UP!"

"Hey–!"

"Obviously, Kakashi-sensei gave him an order without us noticing. Will you tell us what you did, Sasuke-kun?"

"Heh. You also dehydrate me."

Okay, so his emotional intelligence does need more than a little tweaking.

I suppose you noticed that our team is a little louder than the average ninja. Since they were all progressing well in terms of the three ninja skills taijutsu, genjutsu, and ninjutsu, I decided to rectify this certain problem now, as well as hone their concentration and attention to detail. 

Communication is a key to successful team work. This continuous exercise I set up–you could call it a game–involves my sneaking orders or information to one member of the group. The other two should be able to notice or intercept the exchange, and act on their findings. For example, yesterday at lunch I gave a team member a piece of tissue paper bearing instructions to put ground chilli peppers on his seat mates' ramen. Knowing their own team and the surrounding area, the others should have been alerted of the communication, especially because the napkin holder was easily accessible to the four of us. Failing that, they should have at least noticed their teammate spilling and mixing pepper into their bowls. 

Now, Naruto managed to sniff out the extra spiciness of his favorite meal but was too late to warn Sakura; she had to suffer through swollen lips for some time after the momentary surge of fire on her tongue. Needless to say, Sasuke was currently the only one on his toes at this game. Naruto was still too energetic to pay attention, believing I won't do anything that serious, while Sakura was easily distracted by his antics.

That morning, I had casually tried to trip all three with the fishing net (inconspicuously, of course). At least, they all managed to evade that, but only Sasuke caught on and sneaked away when he heard the distinct tinkling of a brook to fish our lunch.

"Here's a clue, moron." Sasuke tossed Naruto some trout stringed together.

Naruto's initial indignation was replaced with amazement. "You actually fished yourself?" he said. "Sensei actually ordered you to fish instead of me?"

"Uh, actually I suggested it to everybody," I interjected.

"Yeah, Naruto," said Sakura in irritation. "Sensei and Sasuke-kun beat us again."

For once, Naruto didn't even care about his rival beating him. After all, he wasn't the one who was cold, wet, and oozing with brook sludge.

"Sasuke fished for lunch today! Sasuke fished for lunch today! Bwahahahahaha!!!"

"Aurgh!" groaned Sakura in frustration. "Let's just build a fire so Sasuke-kun can dry off."

~~~

Nearly an hour later found us all finishing a meal of grilled fish. I decided to give them a respite from our little game, and allowed them to enjoy the day's catch. Also, I noticed Sakura staring at me from the corner of an eye. Even Naruto was sparing me a glance once in a while. 

"You know, I still think the best fish we ever caught was that giant shiny thing from two years ago," said Naruto. "Too bad Kakashi-sensei took away such a beauty."

"You idiot," said Sakura, almost perfunctorily. "Silver arawanas are too expensive to eat. They're decorative."

"So what? I caught it."

"Yeah–in the fish pond of that Fire Noble's vacation house!"

"That was a pretty amazing place, huh? When I become Hokage, I wonder if they'd invite me to stay there; I'm sure they won't let me sleep in the kennels again!"

"Speaking of which," Sakura said, turning towards me. "Kakashi-sensei, you haven't really told us anything about the mission we have right now."

Right then, I was reading the second volume of "Sowing Seeds On the Elysian Fields," a new series by Jiraiya-sama. I was getting to the part where, true to the title, the heroine, a young Grass kunoichi, and her– well, never mind that. Regretfully, I tucked the book back into my bag. 

"Where are we going, first of all?" Naruto asked.

"The town of Shishio," answered Sasuke. "Two hundred ri from Anyeuri, a major city of the Fire Country."

"Excellent," I said. "Now, explain to your team mates how you came to that conclusion. You can do that even while you're all doing _something_ else, right?"

"This morning, when you were sparring with Sakura, you used the Lion Combo to get out of a tight spot. You didn't have to. She was open on the upper left corner and a blow there would have locked the fight on a stasis. Plus, you could have easily blocked her attack." 

"Yeah, I thought that was weird, too," said Naruto. "We all know sensei's a tightwad when it comes to energy, and he's always preaching about assessing the fight and using the right moves and efficiency and all that. I thought he just went for it 'coz it's unpredictable, being your move and all that. What's the point, though?"

"Oh, I see," said Sakura then. "Shishi Rendan. Shishio. Same kanji. Sasuke-kun figured it out when he saw which route we took, and since Shishio is one of the towns we would potentially hit using this path..." She nodded in understanding. "Honestly, though, I didn't even know I was open when we were practicing taijutsu this morning."

"You blocked the combo, anyway," I assured her. "But it's still Sasuke on the lead in this game, you two. Anyone care for another fish?"

"Bah!" said Naruto. "And there's no fish left, sensei. Just tell us about the mission. You were late again this morning, that's why we ran out time for briefing. Pervy sennin got you drunk last night, didn't he?"

I didn't get that drunk. Besides, it was the Godaime who got me drunk, not Jiraiya. "Naruto," I said with a sigh. "Are you planning on listening at all? Anyway, this is a class B mission. As already said, we are going to Shishio. We are going to be escorting the youngest daughter of an important noble to their estate in Anyeuri city."

"Oh, wow," said Naruto. "A princess, finally! Is it an assassination attempt? What?"

"But we genins aren't usually given B-class missions," said Sakura.

I scratched my head. "Actually, this is supposed to be only a class C mission. You're right, Naruto. It does involve an assassination attempt, and in a way Laya-sama is a princess. However, she's a very minor noble, and the assassination plots found days ago were actually against her uncle. Apparently, her father dotes on her, she being thirteen years younger than the previous child."

"Ach! A kid," Naruto said in disappointment. "So her father just wants to make sure, right?"

"Right. But he insisted on paying for an A class mission. After haggling for a while, the village managed to make him agree to a B-class mission rating. However, it's still a waste of manpower to send chuunin to this mission, so they decided to send us."

"That's kinda deflating," muttered Sakura.

"The Godaime trusted you for this job; that's honor enough." I slapped her on the back. "Anyway, don't just dismiss this as an easy mission. Nothing is ever fully predictable. Besides, there are several important things I want you all to remember. First of all, it is very important for us to remain unseen."

Sasuke snorted. "As applicable to all shinobi. Better take notes, Naruto." 

"Shaddap!" replied the other. 

"It's also very important for us not to be so sneaky."

"Eeeh?" Naruto frowned at me. "That sounded stupid, kinda."

"The Kila family doesn't want to alert their enemies of their knowledge of this assassination plans," I explained. "The other reason why genins were picked for this mission, is that the family wanted ninjas who weren't too high profile (in the ninja world, of course). Assassins would probably be shinobi and could possibly recognize mobilization of hired protection. With you genins and one lone sensei being sent to protect the princess, it would seem like the ordinary escort for protection against roving bandits. Their enemy would have no reason to suspect the Kila family then."

"Oh, I see."

"The taijutsu exercises this morning was a refresher of sorts. I'd like you to lay off high level ninjutsu–or anything high level for that matter. Stick to what's expected from genins. Do we understand each other? Sasuke? Naruto?"

"Yes, sensei," replied the latter, blue eyes serious.

"What's the second thing?" asked Sasuke as he nodded.

"The second thing is, the princess might be a little, uh, hard to handle."

"So what else is new?" groaned Naruto. 

"Baby-sitting," agreed Sakura.

"Well, try to be tolerant of her whims and idiosyncrasies. Give her what she wants, as long as nobody's safety is compromised."

"We know, we know," said Sakura glumly. "The reputation-- therefore the safety–of our village is at stake."

"Perfect," I said, business-like, rising to my feet. "Now, you three would all get ten laps for punishment when we get home. You all know enough how important speed is, and you're all lolling about like in a picnic. None of you took my hints to start cleaning up, either. And you, Naruto--I feel like I have fish lips, pointing at your mess with my pursed mouth. Sheesh, I wasn't even testing you guys."

"I got the hint," muttered Sasuke. "But you won't get me twice in one day."

"Oh? Want an extra 40 for laziness?"

~~~~

"There's too much... space."

Naruto sounded somewhat offended. The town of Shishio was definitely arranged differently from the village of the Leafs. Unlike the pleasantly snug arrangement of buildings at home, houses here are placed far apart, have spacious lawns, and are sometimes fenced in. He was probably impressed, too, at the enormous garden we had to cross to reach the front door of the mansion–Konohagakure village could fit there in a squeeze.

"A waste," Sasuke agreed.

"But it's beautiful, all the same," said Sakura, breathless. "And this mansion... It's even bigger than the Hyuga's."

The door opened before any of us pressed the doorbell. A stiff looking fellow led us in. I heard my students suppress their respective reactions on seeing the elegant landing. "Laya-sama is awaiting you," he said. "Please follow me."

We were lead up the marble staircase, our travel-weary (and soiled) feet treading on the expensive carpet.. All three were rapt in wonder and were silent–even the irrepressible Naruto. I must admit, even I had to whistle once or twice. Several halls later, we reached what appeared to be an office, a sign outside the door announcing its duties.

"Servant Registration?" I saw Sakura mouth. Beside her, Sasuke shrugged.

The inside of the office didn't look like one at all. A divan was found beside one window, overlooking a small garden surrounded by hedges. Reclined there, in a position only Jiraiya-sama's description could do justice to, was one of the most beautiful woman I've ever met–and trust me, I've met many of them. Her curvaceous body was full and lush in the rich red of her brocaded gown. Black hair, if possible, even darker than Sasuke's, flowed dead straight from her stately head, shining and reflecting like a still pond. Eloquent brown eyes studied us as we approached.

"Welcome," a quiet, mellifluous voice issued forth from those sensuous red lips. "I trust your journey had been safe and uneventful."

"It was, my lady," I answered, bowing respectfully.

That gorgeous mouth curved with pleasure. "Charming, you are," she said. "And sporting a mask, too. How mysterious."

Her gaze turned to Naruto.

"Such pretty blue eyes," she said judiciously. "You're quite a handsome fellow, you know–in a bright, boyish sort of way. And hungry, too, I'd wager. What is your name, boy?"

Naruto was obviously pleased that he was noticed. "Uzumaki Naruto, miss," he said, proudly beaming. 

"Naruto-kun, feel free to tell these gentlemen what you'd like to eat for dinner."

"Gee, thanks! You won't have to ask me twice. Uh... What about you? What's your name, miss?"

The smile that crept to her face was of amusement. She rose from her seat gracefully and bowed in a manner befitting her rank. "I am Kila Laya, your hostess." 

"Ah, you're the princess." Naruto threw back his shoulders, arms akimbo. "Don't you worry, we'll protect you!"

She bowed again. "My life is in your hands, then, my champion." Her eyes went next to Sasuke. "Oh my..."

Poor Naruto forgotten, Laya-sama approached the dark-haired young man. "How intriguing," she murmured, a lacquered finger coming to rest on her chin. 

Sasuke boldly returned her examining stare. "Is there something on my face?" he asked, thankfully without venom in his voice. 

"Oh, nothing most people don't," she replied nonchalantly. "But I have to say your face is definitely more beautiful than most. If the presents I get from my suitors are half as interesting as you, dark one, I'd certainly be more attentive and more eager to unwrap them."

"..."

She sighed, and such pretty little sigh it was. "Let's forget about such foul topics. At any rate, I'm glad you honor my house with your presence, pretty boy." She winked at him surreptitiously before pivoting to glide out of the room. I noticed she ignored Sakura's presence–the girl noticed it, too.

"We are glad to be of service, lady," I answered for Sasuke before Sakura could. 

Laya-sama gave a queenly nod. "Chuchu-san, please minister to my guests."

"As you command, lady," said an official-looking person at the opposite end of the room. He approached us, took us all in one glance, and bowed. "Sirs, I shall make no attempt to use euphemisms. The questions I will ask are frank and concise and anatomically correct. Please spare me the courtesy to answer truthfully."

I nodded. Dueling with long, convoluted sentences was a formality in these parts that could last hours. I figured the less flatteries exchanged, the less undiscussed expectations, the clearer the agreements.

"Very well. Will the gentlemen be so kind as to each disclose the length and diameter of their penises?"

TBC...

~Friday, January 16, 2004 (1:52am)   
edited: January 16, 2004 (9:06pm)  
Woosh! Chapter one done. =) What a pervy butler... Kya!! 

======== 

EDIT: I'm sorry, Naruto-kun! I spelled your name wrong (among other things). T-T Anyhow, thanks to Midnightcrow for the heads up. ^_^ -030304 


	3. Chapter 2: Size Matters

Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto. Period. 

Chapter Two: Size Matters

"Kyaaa!!" 

When an utterly scandalized Sakura squealed, I realized that I did hear the servant right. I thought it odd, however. I couldn't remember the Godaime mentioning anything about this mission being _that_ kind. Besides, my students were all underaged. Unless...

"..." said Naruto.

"..." said Sasuke.

I coughed delicately. "I really prefer to use the element of surprise in my operations," I said. "I honestly don't--"

"Impossible, sir!" protested the servant. "I must know."

"Impossible?" demanded Naruto indignantly. "You must know!? What kind of a sick pervert are you, anway?"

The man called Chu-chu snapped his fingers. The nondescript secretaries fumbling about in their respective desks stood up and rallied about their leader menacingly.

"My apologies, sir," he explained placatingly. "If I must use force to find answers, I will."

"B-but... why?" Naruto was obviously weirded out by these suit-clad body guards; at any other time he would have taken their silent challenge with a broad grin.

"I need specifications to choose the appropriately sized garote."

"G-g-garote?!" squeaked a high-pitched voice. It didn't belong to Sakura. "W-what are you talking about, Chu-chu-san? They're not candidates for castration–or whatever procedure it is you regularly perform."

In spite of myself, a very uncomfortable feeling creeping in my spine began to intrude itself into my consciousness.

It was Naruto who recovered first. "Hey, sensei, what was that they wanted to do?"

"You don't want to know," replied Sasuke, his face rather paler than usual.

"But I really do, Sasuke," answered the clueless boy. "That way I'll know if I'd start beating them up now."

Sakura, still blushing, nudged him with a foot. "Later," she hissed furiously.

Naruto blinked. "Okay. You don't have to get mad."

"Aurgh... Chu-chu-san!"whined the same voice who thankfully cleared the little misunderstanding earlier. "Look at how you scandalized my guests."

Both Naruto and Sakura started visibly when the speaker came into voice. It was Laya-sama.

Apparently, she had ran back to the room when she heard the commotion. Her chest was heaving in that low, v-necked silken blouse, but the red of her face and neck was not only due to exertion. She was quite a sight there, half-bent and panting, her poise and royal bearing now gone.

She took a few minutes to calm herself. When she spoke, the soft, calm voice was back. 

"My people and I have long pondered on the matter of concealing the Kila family's employment of ninjas," she said. "We've decided for you to dress up as servants. Chu-chu-san here, ever mindful of my safety, thought to execute the usual precautions."

"I see," I answered. I have to admit my voice came out a little weaker than I had wanted it to.

"Is it prudent to disclose your plan like this?" Sasuke asked in a neutral voice. 

"It's alright, pretty one," crooned the princess, adoration completely removing any trace of intelligence in her eyes for a few seconds. "There are no spies in our estate."

"With all due respect, my lady," answered Sakura. "There's a reason why we've been hired after all."

I appreciated the formal training Kila Laya received for her courtly duties as a noble then; her stiffening was virtually unnoticeable, the brief surge of unspeakable rage barely discernable. "Truth be told," she answered quietly. "You were hired because my rich, powerful, highly esteemed father is nothing but a paranoid, overprotective coward."

"Laya-sama!" came the collective gasp.

"Paranoid or not, we have our responsibilities," said Naruto seriously. There are times when I'm impressed how much that boy matured–or a semblance of it, anyway.

"True." Gravely, the princess motioned with a single finger. The rabble cleared the doorway immediately. "Come, Leaf ninjas. We shall have privacy in my apartments."

"But Laya-sama–!" protested Chu-chu-san.

Laya suddenly glared at him indignantly. "Honestly! I'm not as promiscuous as the gossip columns in Aneurya claim, you know."

Chu-chu-san jumped guiltily. "Of course not, lady! The nerve of those people to lie! The virtue of our lady--"

"Never mind." Serene expression returning to her face, the young woman began her slow glide out of the room. There was nothing else to do but follow, of course.

~~~

The marble-floored sitting room with its furnishings of slim, dark wood and rich red velvet suited its owner well. A modest-sized chandelier showered down from overhead, its crystal fragments reflecting light from outside. Heavy brocaded drapes were drawn to let in the late afternoon sun. The opulence prevented us from quite relaxing, but the lush green of the forest scenery seen through her floor-to-ceiling windows was calming and real.

Laya-sama invited the four of us to sit on the too-soft couches, while an attendant drew up a stiff-looking, cushioned chair for her. It was moderately uncomfortable for us. Our hostess didn't seem quite comfortable at first, either, only half-sitted in her hard-backed chair in a suitably lady-like manner.

"Uh, are you sure you don't want to sit here?" asked Naruto. "I can sit on the floor."

"Oh no, blue-eye, stay," said the lady quite firmly. 

When the servants departed, Laya-sama sighed and relaxed in her seat. I noticed the two young men with me quickly averting their eyes from her slouched form.

"Now, that we're alone I would like to continue our abrupt introductions," she spoke gravely. "I am again Kila Laya. The blue-eyed young man here is Uzumaki Naruto, correct?"

"Yes, yes," said the one referred to eagerly. "And if it's not to much trouble, I'd like ramen for dinner tonight."

"Naturally, none–trouble, I mean. And you, miss? If I may know your name?"

Sakura seemed surprise. "Haruno Sakura, m'lady."

Eyes shining, Laya-sama took the kunoichi's hands in her. "I am absolutely thrilled to find some female companionship after such a great while." Her voice was thick with emotion. "We shall be friends, even in the short span of time we'd share. Good friends!"

My student blinked. "Uh, yes, my lady."

"Laya-chan to you, dearest."

"Laya-chan, my lady." In spite of her self, Sakura smiled back warmly and carefully retrieved her hands.

The woman turned to the other boy. "You, beautiful one, have not relinquished your name yet," she said almost speculatively. "Truly, I would grind my most precious gem to dust, if only to know."

"Uchiha Sasuke, if it makes you happy," he answered rather ungraciously. 

"It does, pretty one," came the husky reply. "I would settle even with that, so long as it comes from you."

I could see Sakura was re-thinking her acquiescence to the fervent declaration of friendship from the flighty noblewoman. I decided to introduce myself to head things off.

"My name is--"

"Oh, no, no, no!" Quite suddenly I found myself overwhelmed with her girlish charms. Slender fingers stilled the movement of my lips. The dreamy brown eyes were only inches away from my nose. "I'd rather you keep your name your own, my dashing masked hero,"she whispered. "The mystery shall be kept that way, and you're the secret of your identity shall be kept safe. It's more exciting that way." She giggled rather throatily. "Don't tell me; that's an order."

Masked hero? Really, she was starting to embarrass me...

Since my team was giving me sidelong looks of varying meanings, I coughed delicately, and Laya-sama rose daintily from my lap. Sakura, invisible from Laya's vantage point, was still giving me dirty looks, though. It's not like I could help it, right? I mean, I couldn't just humiliate the young lady by telling her bluntly to get off, could I?

"Well, my wish would be for you to accompany me to the baths this evening," Laya-sama said after settling back on her seat. "I have a social engagement there, and my father's people would not permit me to go otherwise."

"All right," I answered. "You said something about disguises a while ago?"

"Oh, yes. You'd have to dress up as my servants. Sakura-chan would be my maid, of course. You three men would have to dress as my other male attendants do, I'm afraid."

I was afraid, too, quite frankly. Firstly, among these people, men and women are not separated in the baths. Secondly, servants were sometimes expected to follow their master or mistress. And lastly, many male servants of high-born ladies in this area are usually...

"You would dress us as eunuchs?" asked Sasuke quietly.

"Yes, pretty one," Laya-sama said as she flitted off to call her servants. "And you'd be quite the most beautiful eunuch in that party, Sasuke-kun.".

Sakura was blushing.

"What's a eunuch?" asked Naruto.

"You don't want to know," muttered Sasuke.

"You keep saying that! I do want to know. That's why I'm asking."

"Trust me you don't."

"You'll be wearing my silk summer robes and a little rouge, of course," Laya was saying then. "But then you might have to strip in bathhouse. But that's all right with you, ne? You ninjas are used to subterfuge and acting. And oh, surely none of you are ashamed of your hard-trained, sculpted bodies. I'm afraid, I shall be showing you off quite shamelessly!" She laughed.

Sakura was redder than the couch.

I tried not to sigh. "Very well," I said. "Sasuke, Naruto, you two go with Laya-sama's attendants. Sakura you stay with Laya-sama. Have a talk with her maids and find out what you're expected to do. Lady, I would speak with your seneschal and the head of security, if I may."

"Of course, but first the sleeping arrangements..."

Chu-chu-san appeared then. "An adjoining room to the mistress's had been prepared for you," he said, making it obvious that it certainly wasn't his idea.

"My bed chamber is available, you know," the princess helpfully informed us. "In case, it gets too _tight_ in there."

It would be tight in there, indeed. (No nasty pun intended.) There's four of us, after all. "Sakura would stay with you, then, Laya-sama," I decided.

"B-but..." She laughed to cover her disappointment. "Wouldn't it be better if you protect me personally, sir? You are the highest ranking ninja here, after all. It would only be appropriate."

"Sakura is quite competent, lady. She shall keep you safe."

"But you have other reasons, eh?" she accused.

"Yes, actually." I gestured vaguely to the other three. "They aren't that young, see."

Sakura, after a few minutes respite for her face, was again blushing. "Sensei!" she cried in mortification.

"..." said Sasuke.

Even, Naruto got my meaning. "I'm not like that!" he protested indignantly. "It's not like I'm idolizing your and Pervy-sennin's pervy ways."

"And I suppose I'm not that young either," said Laya-sama in a flat voice.

"We're kinda glad you weren't a kid, miss," Naruto said placatingly. "We thought the Godaime tricked us into another babysitting assignment. Ha ha ha..."

"I'm glad _you_ noticed," she answered petulantly. "My father treats me like a child still. And you." She pouted at my direction. "You think of me as a child, too, don't you?"

"..."

"Wouldn't you like to know exactly how mature I am?" she asked archly.

"I was under the impression that women find it offensive to be asked their age, m'lady," I murmured.

"Oh, very well." Laya sniffed, waving the discussion away. "I shan't tell you, then."

"If that is your wish, lady."

~~~

The silent grandiloquence of the Kila's ballroom was barely ruffled by the indistinct murmur of whispered conversation. It was from the middle of that black sea of marble the sound came. Four figures stood there, heads close together, mouths unreadable. 

"Are you sure you're all right, Sakura-chan?" asked Naruto as the girl, for the umpteenth time, looked around the enormous cylindrical chamber, at the domed ceiling of dancing suns, roaring lions, and tongues of flames gilded gold. "You're fidgety."

"It's just that we're so exposed," she said.

"That's the idea," said Sasuke ever so helpfully. 

"Oh, I get it," said Naruto. "We can see anybody coming from where we are. Nobody's going to hear us or read our lips. Plus, the floor is rock solid, right sensei?"

"Right," I answered for simplicity; I didn't really need to tell him Jiraiya asked me to take notes on the fabled Leonine Sunburst mansion–no doubt material for his next project. "As I was saying, remember that we work as a team. As always, never neglect to communicate your intent to the team for acting. Are we clear on everything?"

All three nodded.

"Good. Now we have to go to Laya-sama's apartments. It seems she wants to oversee our costumes."

As I had looked over the estate's blueprints, I was able to quickly navigate to our destination. Laya-sama was business-like when we came to her presence.

"Chu-chu-san would assist you," she said. "My closet would have to satisfy the demands of modesty." She turned to me. "You first, mystery man."

The servant Chuchu, with that face eternally scrunched as if in distaste, came to me. "Take off your mask," he ordered.

I didn't care much for his tone. "No," came my equally blunt reply.

"Why?"

"Old habits die hard."

"Laya-sama," the flabby man complained.

"Oh, leave him be, Chu-dear," she said laconically. "Truly I would not want to destroy that mysterious air of his." She almost purred. "That admirable air... that... sexy."

Again, I was hoping I heard her wrong. Situations like this could get out of hand. No shinobi wants to get tangled up in a mess involving clients–be it with conspiracies or with bed sheets.

"But I need to assess his features to find the suitable dress, m'lady."

"We're going to the baths, dear. We hardly need haute couture." 

Chuchu sniffed. "You with the dark hair, then. Please fit the outfit on the third peg inside that room."

Wordlessly, Sasuke did as he was told. Sakura bounded after him to offer her assistance, but a terse "no" was what she got in return, followed by the closet door shutting on her face. Only a few moments passed before the dark-haired talker reappeared, still cool and still without any trace of self-consciousness.

"What's this fabric?" he asked, oblivious to the appreciative stares he was getting from the women.

"Spandex," replied Laya. "It's perfect for the occasion."

"It's perfect on you," breathed Sakura. She blushed as soon as she heard herself.

"Hmph," disagreed Naruto. "It's fashion faux. Pervy senin said so."

That was a little interesting; since when was the Toad senin a fashionista?

"How's the fit?" asked Chuchu.

"The way it's suppose to be," said Sasuke with an indifferent shrug.

Chuchu nodded curtly and, with a leap that startled Sakura and Naruto, went to the nearby doorway to call out to his assistants, "One size smaller for specimen A."

"Eh?!" protested Sakura. "That'll make it too tight!"

"That's the idea."

Before the situation could further deteriorate, a messenger respectfully knocked.

"M'lady, a message came from the Koshino household," said the liveried man. "He said to inform you that there has been a change in the motif."

"Eh?!" Again, Laya's imperial demure was broken.

The gentleman faltered. "He assured me it was most important for me to deliver the information as expressed, m'lady, as I have."

Laya sighed in disappointment. "Oh well." She dismissed him absently. "We aren't going 'Sauna & Spandex' today. How disappointing... Traditional, Chuchu-san."

Naruto didn't even bother to demand explanations. (I could have told him what he needed–and more–but I decided to spare them those kinds of torture.) He looked to his team mates ruefully. "Either of you care to tell me what's going on?" he asked.

"Heh," was all Sasuke relinquished, paired with a slight movement of his shoulders. Sakura was a bit more expressive with her groan.

"No idea," she muttered. "No idea at all."

I have to admit it now. I've regretted not conducting more thorough studies with my students on the various cultures of various countries and hidden villages, as well as subcultures within each of particular interest. Higher ranking missions, being more expensive, were usually procured by the rich and the powerful. The elites of each society subsist in sub-societies within each and have similarities and peculiarities worth knowing; Subterfuge and assimilation into the society is necessary when basic invisibility is insufficient. Oh, they've had lessons from the academy, but some of the juicier details involving the depravity of mankind was a bit age-inappropriate at that time (not to mention Iruka-sensei can get positively stodgy when he puts his mind to it). Learning had to come with experience, I suppose. As always.

~Feb 04, '04 

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AN: Wow, I didn't expect the response I got. Thanks. ^_^ Hope you enjoyed this one. Till next time. 


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